The Fountain of Youth Is In The Grocery Store

I shopped for food this week, lots of it. Most everything I bought was in a package of some sort – plastic, paper, glass or aluminum. The only area of the store without packaging was in the produce section, but even there, I wasn’t so sure I was getting fresh. Everything looked perfect, shiny, and blemish-free.

There’s a scandal in the news about our genetically modified corn. It seems Russia has refused to import it, citing it’s dangerous to the health of Russians and can cause cancer.

Good for Americans but not so good for foreigners? Hmm. 

This GMO food thing is scary.

Have you bought a tomato lately? It tastes like corrugated paper, but it’s oh so pretty to look at.

How about grapes? They’re getting plumper every year. And not a blemish anywhere.

I bought a bag of shredded cabbage a month ago, threw it into the cold drawer of my refrigerator and forgot it. I discovered it a month later buried under a bag of carrots.

“There’s something fishy about the cabbage,” I told Alf.

“Oh yea, what?”

“It’s bright and perky. If should be rotten by now if it was real.”

“Let’s give it to Calvin and find out,” Alf said.

“If he starts to smolder, we run for cover,” I said.

Calvin says, “I don’t smolder. Fart, that’s another story.” 

3 thoughts on “The Fountain of Youth Is In The Grocery Store

  1. Have you ever read James Herriot? He wrote a great series called “All Things Great and Small” and one of the books has a story about a farting beagle that he had to treat early in his Vet practice. It was hilarious. You should write a similar story about Calvin–it would have us all laughing out loud and rolling on the floor–but he does that for me anyway!

  2. I went on vacation for two weeks and forgot to some fruit on the table at home. One apple and three plums. It dipped into my mind after a few days of relaxing and I thought, well, I guess the apple will be shrivel when I return, and hoped there won’t be too many fruit flies on the rotten plums. Guess what? The apple was shriveld but the plums looked like I had bought them just the other day. How do they do that?

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